WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
