Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
