there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
