i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
