Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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