I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
