Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
