forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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