he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize