you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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