ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
"it" just moved
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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