forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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