She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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