we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Randomize
