Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
