brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
