Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
