no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
