you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
