i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
