We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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