When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
