Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
