Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
