At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
