i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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