he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
