dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
