the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize