I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
