If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
