..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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