I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
