didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
