Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
