My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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