just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize