Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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