Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i would punch a child for taco bell
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
