I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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