This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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