So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is wine microwaveable?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
