I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
