just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
