shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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