somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
