Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
