I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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