All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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