At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
two words: eviction party
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
