wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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