if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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