$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
