At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
