I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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