If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
