You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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