i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
