I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
