We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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