So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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