TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
