Ambien. No doubt about it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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