i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
sex in a hospital.. check
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
