Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
