I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Boobs speak an international language.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
